Government Blames South Africa’s Poor Water Quality on Jan van Riebeeck

Photo by Jainath Ponnala on Unsplash
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CAPE TOWN – The Department of Water and Sanitation says that the country’s poor water quality can be linked to a rusty hair dryer found in a key water spring belonging to Jan van Riebeeck.

The hair dryer, which was found in a recent archaeological dig, is believed to have been owned by van Riebeeck, a Dutch governor of the Cape Colony. The spring, which is located in Cape Town, is a major source of water for the entire country.

Government scientists say that the hair dryer was contaminated with high levels of GHD bacteria, which have been slowly leaching into the water supply over the past 300 years. The rust from the hair dryer has also become toxic, further contaminating the water.

A government spokesperson assured the public that the president has recovered from his shock at the news and is already in talks with the International Monetary Fund (IMF) for an emergency loan that would enable the government to hire Cuban engineers to fix the water problem.

The government has also not ruled out the possibility of setting up a minister of hydration.