President Cyril Ramaphosa will be addressing the nation tonight. (Soe miskien moet djy maa noggie jou klere stryk ie.)
Nearly two weeks ago, the president announced further lockdown measures to help curb the spread of the Delta variant of COVID-19. (Black market alcohol sellers obviously welcomed the move.)
South Africa is currently on adjusted level 4 lockdown (Also known as level 4 ultra-lite) and some industries have been calling for the easing of the lockdown levels.
The liquor industry was once again hit the hardest with another ban included in the current adjusted level. (Pineapple farmers have however been spotted driving Lamborghinis, purchasing homes in Clifton, and tattooing the words “I love Uncle Cyril” on their bodies.)
Acting Minister in the Presidency Khumbudzo Ntshaveni also stated on Friday that President Ramaphosa would address the nation on government interventions to rebuild the economy. (Millions of unemployed young South Africans immediately left the WhatsApp group. However, thousands of Cubans put up the President’s promise as their WhatsApp status.)
As of the writing of this article, a time had not been confirmed yet. (Or whether the President will be using a galaxy tablet to reduce the chances of theft, and whether we’ll be greeted in the name of the government and receive another Madiba quote.)
*The above article includes facts and satire. If you can’t tell the difference, please contact your school teachers and demand a refund.
